I was writing a list of my deepest fears today, and noticed that most of them are based on the underlying false belief that I’m not good enough; that I’m fundamentally flawed and I will fail. My fear is so often of failure, whether this be in terms of ‘failing to be a mum’, ‘failing to recognise and walk my dharma/fulfil my soul mission’, ‘failure to support myself’, ‘failure to form lasting love relationships’, ‘failure to recognise my own ego blindspots/negative traits’, ‘failure to fulfil my potential’…
I realised it is this bedrock false belief that causes me to agonise over decisions and choices all the time – I am so fearful of ‘getting it wrong’ and I don’t want to fail.
But after my list today, I carried on writing and received some great clarity on the sheer illusory nature of this fear of failure – it really helped me at the time, so I’ll share it below in case it helps someone else… 🙂
We cannot fail! It’s impossible – against what criteria are we judging ourselves? Any perceived criteria are self-created illusions/delusions – a meaningless mirage in the grand scheme of things. Any sense of end result is nonsensical in an infinite universe. We never arrive at our destination. We never suddenly become complete. Our life is an experiential journey, a dance of creation, a song that our soul sings. There’s no inherent meaning to it, beyond the meanings we choose to assign to it, but these too are self-created illusions/delusions. It’s all a big game, an infinite tapestry, the great dance of life. The best thing we can do is find as much heartfelt joy as possible along the way, feel grateful for every single experience and love and learn as much as we can. Connection is the key to happiness, contentment and joy.
So, whatever happens, whatever choices I make or decisions I take, I cannot fail. Being here is enough – it matters not what I do. Neither myself nor anyone else can judge me really – not in any true sense of the word. Therefore all my fears are unfounded. They are apparitions of illusion, created by my mind. My heart doesn’t know, understand or recognise these fears; it couldn’t give two hoots. Heart knows. If I follow my heart, this ride will be a sweet one.
All paths have a heart. We are the heart, we bring it with us wherever we go. We cannot escape the heart, we only need give it space to let it sing out its melody, loud and clear. The you can rest in the knowledge that you can never put a foot wrong. And, even when we squash heart and refuse to listen to its wisdom, or even forget that it exists within us, still we can’t put a foot wrong. It just means we’ll need to step out of the joyful, easy flow of connected life for a while into the icy coldness of perceived separation, whilst we learn a few important lessons and grow our experiential wisdom and empathy. Nothing we ever do is for nothing, no experience is wasted. Each step is a triumph. Failure does not exist, except in the prison of our mind.