As previously mentioned, when we returned from our wonderful rural road trip the other day, my enthusiasm to get back on the yoga train was flagging somewhat. Coming back to Mysore had once again prompted unwelcome feelings of being a bit lost and confused about the whole thing. In desperation, I asked Chris to share with me some of his wisdom, as his steady, logical, calm approach to life often has a knack of helping my own chaotic brain settle down and see things in a clear light. At that particular point in time, his wisdom was to encourage me to stop flapping so we could find some food before we both had a hunger melt-down. Wisdom indeed…
However, pretty much first thing this morning, whilst I was still coming to, a groggy voice came to me from the other side of our humongous bed (seriously, I think it’s super-dooper-king-size or something – we measured it and found out you could fit five people in it, lying side by side – too much time on our hands?!).
“I’ve thought of some wisdom to impart. Stop looking, start finding,” the voice mumbled.
I mulled this over. So simple, yet it felt so true and so very topical. I have noticed that, when things aren’t quite right, I become a restless seeker, questioning everything, swinging from one thought to the next like a flitting hummingbird, buzzing around different flowers trying to source enough nectar to survive. The more I try and find an answer, the more lost in my own mind I become. A vicious and exhausting circle… Yet, when in this pattern, it’s hard to see it for what it is, as all thoughts are subsumed by the endless nectar-seeking. But having just experienced five days of simple living and calm contentment in the countryside, where my brain had stilled somewhat, I could see the juxtaposition clearly. Constant seeking means I’m not living in and enjoying the present moment, so no wonder the answer never comes.
This simple statement felt incredibly helpful. I’m not exaggerating when I say it felt like a weight lifting off my shoulders. It was a lightbulb moment – I don’t NEED to work it all out and have a coherent answer about why I’m here. If I could just be present and enjoy each moment as best as possible, and appreciate how bloody lucky I am to be here, then the ‘answer’, whatever that entailed, would no doubt just drop into my lap. Wow, so easy – fantastic!
So, with that, I headed off to yoga with a spring in my step ready to embrace whatever it brought me this morning. As soon as I entered the shala and was faced by four sweating bodies already well into the seated postures and all giving me a surprised look, I realised that I was late. And not just a little bit late – I was an hour late! I had completely forgotten that Saturday’s class starts an hour earlier. Masterji mock-tutted then gave me a resasuring hug, chuckling. “Don’t worry, relax.”, he said, and motioned me to roll out my mat. My bouyant mood prevailed and I cracked a big smile, feeling actually quite pleased I would only need to do a half practice today – something I wasn’t looking for but that had landed in my lap like a gift.
So today I pledge to enjoy whatever comes my way, unlooked for… 🙂